Hello world. Apparently I just woke up, took the whole night up reading The Fourth Treasure. It is, I must say, a wonderfully written book.

Let's go on about yesterday. Reached school like the early bird does, half an hour before we were supposed to meet. One by one the girls came, droping by the canteen(which is where I am) and chit chatting. Lol. Mr Poh sent me there in his car with his wife, and we ended up breakfasting roti prata. Small talks are so welcoming. I got to watch the VJ-SA match, which shocked me that VJ won. Not that I am supporting them.

Well after the match, much euphorium, and we went nearby for more roti prata. Some affinity for it maybe. SO much laughter and jokiness. I went to mingle and sit with the year 1s. They're such a lovely bunch, all of them. Chai Jing, Anna, Huda, Mimah, Mun, and Sya. I know I will cry when I step down, but that's part and parcel. Sya actually cried yesterday when she got to know the year 2s will be stepping down right after our last match of the tourny. Don't be sad.

Oh on Friday the Math CT paper should be eaten actually, because it was fairly undo-able. In short it sucked major time. Ended at 5.40, and dear Naz helped me hail a cab. She got caught in the rain halfway to the main road. I felt very guilty, because I am warm and dry in the canteen, and she's shivering and wet like some nutcase. Very guilty. It really rained boys&girls, maybe even men&women, with lightning occasionally lighting up the canteen. Some of the girls were around since they took the Math paper too. Entertained them with a few that I learnt from Crash1 and 2. Kat seemed to have the biggest reactions.

Anyway by seven Syahril managed to call a cab in, and the best thing was he didn't board the cab. Another thing to add to the guilt list. He gave his seat to Star, who was fickle and does not want the cab so Amanda ended up riding with Naz Cas and me. Gossips in the cab as usual, the ice queen, the haircut, the slapping incidents, blablabla. Some politics too. Interesting, cab drivers are.

I should go shower now and start on my ever stagnant homework.

ofblack&white
1:44 PM

WE WON WE WON WOOOHOO.

Another step closer to being qualified in the Semi's.

MJ MAKAN SHIT! :D

ofblack&white
2:50 PM

Ah well the neighbourhood sceptic is back in action, thanks to Eveready batteries. My keyboard is spoilt to bits.

I'm getting friendlier with the crutches. It proved useful as 1)an extra set of legs, 2)a (formidable) weapon, and 3) something that attract attention. Ok the attract-attention part, I'm not an attention seeker mind. it's just easier for my friends to spot me now. Lol. Weapon? I was tempted to spear our principal with it when she was happily merrily scolding her heart out to poor students who did the slightest misgiving; not properly attired. It is, I must say, the fault of students for not being properly attired but what possessed her or gave her the right to humiliate them like that? I saw Michlim (who was crying), Kay Yim and Xinying being scolded. Agnes got the worst I suppose. I could not bear to hear the words that she spat out. But nevermind.

The sight of goalposts still made my head pound hard. Oh what was more painful to watch was to see a friend cry. I think seeing her sad made me more down, knowing I cannot do anything to help. Upsetting no? Sigh.

Oh and yesterday night's convo? I am still wondering whatever possessed me to tell him that. Argh i should really have shot myself and he got the nerve! Haha and to think I used to like him. MANN.

ofblack&white
2:31 PM

As stubborn as I was, I went to school with a cast on my right leg. It was not so bad. Well if you consider bruised armpits not bad. Sometimes school can be fairly sucky, even if it's just day Two of Back To School, like how everyone could run about for P.E except for me sitting down like a vegetable. I hate that helpless feeling when I can't do anything myself. It is sucky, yes. Beyond that even. When I see people running around doing a SPORT which they like.

Oh and if you ask me if I am still bitter then yes I obviously am, unless you are as slow as CHAI JING(lol) and cannot catch that tone in the upper paragraph. Oh well it sucks not being able to... you know, participate in something that you have been preparing for the whole of last year and this year.

Nevermind let this matter rest. :) The medication sucks thank you very much. And I get hungry often. And my tummy makes the sound gastric juices always make.Don't ask why. Maybe it is the medication.

News of the week: I'm going to flunk my History CT tomorrow. Hurrah.

ofblack&white
6:35 PM

I've decided to do some prayers too;

Dear God, I know things happened because You want it to happen. Things never happen without a reason, and this time I guess only You would know the reason why. Maybe this leg that's been injured is a blessing in disguise from You (though I don't see how it could be a blessing) but I trust You to know why.

Dear God, I know that You know that yesterday had been a disappointment for all the girls. I swear I have never seen a team so disappointed.

I pray that all of us will be united, no one wanting to quit, no one feeling left out, no one feeling useless, no one feeling they are to be blamed. I beg of You to eradicate these unwanted feelings from all of them. I never ever again wanted to shed tears, but I never EVER again want to see any of the girls cry. Never again.
Especially our dearest goalkeeper who simply could not stop blaming herself for... nothing? I don't even know where she went wrong, because she just didn't do anything wrong!! Ee so confusing.

Amin.

Amin.

ofblack&white
8:39 PM

I really don't know what to say. When it happened I just felt the world crashing. I was just crying throughout. I really don't know what to say. I am so disappointed with myself. Yes they say it's not my fault it happened that way, but do they know how disappointed I feel? Very.

All the while I'm preparing for this, now I twisted the right. It is all so fucking fucken son-of-a-whore unfair that I just want to cry again. Why? It just started today and it has to end now for me? Shit.

I don't know. No vulgarities or words can describe this shittiness inside. I just want to die can. I think I'll be crying the night away.

I hope it heals.

ofblack&white
7:40 PM

Found the key to the drawer, and it brought back much memories please. All the old greeting cards, little messages here and there, some still crisp while others yellowed with age. Hastily folded papers and wrappers that meant so much. The old coin box, the artworks of the Chiangmai kids, old collectible cards, and just tons and tons of cards. I was racing through it and I was thinking how much I took the ones that cared most for granted, how warm simple writings could be.
Brought much back.

I sound like some old spinster clinging on to what's not there. People say to move on, and not be stagnant. But to me, it is usually what isn't there that brought much joys and tears. <3

Anyway first FAS match tomorrow, the start of the end. I want to play my heart out, so I can leave a 'legacy'. I want people to remember. Oh Cas and I went PP to shop. She's a hungry pig. She bought so much food. I saw my little godsister(and her curly hair) and friends. <3 Fat hug. I really cannot wait to mince Cas up and dump her in a bag. Lol. She teases me about the most ridiculous things.

Slackers unite, buddies forever, the old hardworking clique. Kind of flashed back suddenly. I miss and love all of you so. =(

ofblack&white
7:54 PM

Yesterday was awfully rushy, I only got to play 1 and a half halves, before leaving for Commonwealth MRT station. I saw that Queenstown soccer girl with curly hair there, and peculiar looks were exchanged.

I was in charge of the prizes, so arranging them was helluva hectic, like finding needles in a hay. Indah was nice to lend the helping hand. Funny affair with Ustazah Thuraya, she was oddly different. =D As lame as any lame kid could be.

The food was the most hectic part. Serving the drinks, getting the trays, deserts, the washing-thingy, etc. Reminds me so much of Pizza-Hut. Handling the kids was funny. They ate like a bunch of hungry hyenas! Lol. We slacked about, prayed and yakity yak. Throwing grapes. Lol.

Ok we realised that Nadzirah and I can't be friends. LOL. We have lousy sense of direction. WE, supposedly heading to Bedok, ended up at Clementi. Ended up taking the train, which we actually not wanting to. LOL. SO weird can. Scaring her in the bus. Like how we are the only two in the top deck and did-you-feel-anything-grabbing-your-leg affair.

Funny day. Ok. Get ready for Math tuition. =.=

ofblack&white
10:32 AM

Ah well. I love this Good Friday, it is a very welcoming break from the hectic school schedule. Training was fair yesterday, though I still have that tightness in my claves.

Anyway! It has been EONS since I've been able to sleep at 10+, and waking up at 9 nearing 10. A major sleeping session please, wonderful feeling to wake up feeling fresh (and to wake up seeing the sky blue instead of inky). Such pleasure.

But then again today and Saturday will be busy days too. Like bumblebees. Haha. I've got to rush here and there and everywhere else. Oh PW results yesterday too. I got a 2! Fairly satisfied but I would still love a 1 ;p Like a mother I am so proud of my PW mates who did their best and tried their utmost best. Pizza Hut is coming for you next week. Ok? LOL.

It's weird for me to feel as chirpy as a bird. Oh well. Thank the sleep baby thank the sleep.

ofblack&white
10:12 AM

I was sorely sorely disappointed with what I saw yesterday. It got me down today. Everything seemed so fucked up; I can see that gaping trench in between. Bitchings. Ha.

What a day to start the week, yesterday. Thank you Siti/Leyla for some nice ears on this fine Tuesday morning. I was so sleepy my eyes started swimming again. And again some things just hurt me when I see. My world crashed when two joys of mine became sources of misery. Whatever it is I must strive to do whatever I need. (whispers) Study.

I am lagging horribly behind in studies, as expected. I am trying (note the word:trying) to catch up. This is bad. Soccer just takes up a quarter of my time. As of joys they took up another quarter. The other is just left for sleep, I guess? Weary bones mate. I need to know who is there and who isn't. Life does not seem so sunny like the sunflower.

Oh heck. Yet again, rantings filled my posts, and myscreams does not really provide me an outlet to let it out, more of my woes and the misery of failed lovelife.
BUT WHO CARES.

Smiling is a must. Facades put up might just do the trick.
Good night world.

ofblack&white
10:11 PM

Honestly I think nothing did resolve. In the end it brought more... rifts than anything else. She's unhappy, another is unhappy. Who is going to benefit then? Nobody. It is going to be tough but then again. We've gotta bear with it. I've got to bear with it. Crumbling. Like avalanche. Everything is irreparable now.

Aaaahhh. Suddenly it felt so tangly.
Autority is not an honour, authority is but trust.

ofblack&white
9:45 PM

Been a tiring yet fun two days spent in school. I flew home at 11+ on Friday, hastily packed everything needed. Sheeshness. I should never do things last minute now I learnt. I flew back school in the nick of time for... Math. Lol I did not know why I actually bothered.On top of that, I got bitten several times by the ant herself. =.=

Anyway! The percussion workshop was much love. It was horribly fun, but my hands got red, it was comparable to a baboon's butt. Middle eastern drumming require hands, like kompangs. But it was really a cool experience.

Rushed down to soccer and joined what was left of the training. My calves were (and are) still bothering the life out of me. But hell lah. I cannot even do the swing kick. =.= So irritating.

Dinner was Canadian Pizza. Hilarious night. Finding your partner, wacko, dog&bone. Pierre Png! LOL. That was my name. While the J1s went bathing, we J2s had a trashing session. Which was fucked up. More like a confrontation and crap. To so-called close up the vast crack. I don't know. I am a neutral party though I am unhappy with the way she does her things. But this does not mean I could attack her can I? Sigh.

Slept in the middle of the two SACians, and my feet froze to death. I was being chivalrious for giving my socks to Zhong, because I didn't know the night will be cold. Ah well. I only slept at like... 2 or so?

Woke up at 6+, snooze around till 7 and washed up. Played alot of taidee. Went to see Mayyee to show her the 'evidences' of her bite. =.= Ok breakfast at the coffeeshop nearby. Mutabak, and some of them roti prata. Nice morning sitting and chit-chatting. Sya was terrified of a cute dog. Playground-ed for few minutes and we head back to school.

Another few rounds of Murderer, Heart Attack and such before we started our class training. Watched videos and I am verily impressed. Came lunch and I bloat myself. Went napping till 2+ and changed for the match with Bishan Arsenal.

BA is the second strongest team in Singapore so coach said. Whatev. They were rude, cocky, and such. Maybe they had the right to, since they are skillful. I lost count of the number of goals they placed. LOL. Short debrief, then head for the showers. Bliss I tell you, when you were covered in mud. Head off home, and slept like a rock.

Oh yeah. Coach gave me Puma boots, though they are used. It felt real light to me. Shiok to use! We've gotten our new training kit. AWESOME SHIRT. Dry-fit and all. 'Stoked'. Lol. My body's aching everywhere and we still got training tomorrow. Pray we get the whole field ok?

I do not want to lose you.

ofblack&white
8:38 AM

Oh such a sad day I tore my freaking boots. MAN. And I need new ones ASAP. Coach says he might have some to give. Sad. My Nikes are goners.

Today was the most hectic day. Let's run through lol. PE in the morning. Boy I got pissed as a parrot when Mr Teng asked us to run 2.4km. The sun was blazing like in Nevada. In the end I walked alot. Slacked. I should try my best actually. Oh. It was Economics DRQ just now. It was ok. Fairly easy but I know I am going to fail because I did not study. Such a waste. So then we have lectures blablabla and then History quiz. My God if anything should be a killer, that quiz nailed it. Partly because I did not study, but hell it was fairly tough.

I swallowed lunch in all of 15 mins before rushing to tuition.

Ah well. Tuition all the way at Kembangan. I was so groggy. A wind could've knocked me down. So after battling with Probability questions I sped back to school for training, for which only 8 came since it's a last minute thing. Shucks. But he killed us. Boy he killed me. Calf muscles are giving me such pain... =.=
Mr Teng was frustrated with the boys just now. And he ran around the track like a top to release it. Weird.

Oh but oh. My boots. =( A change of heart came so suddenly I didn't realise it again.

Still it's hard to juts get by.
It seemed so meaningless to try.
When all I want to do is cry.
Who would ever know I was so sad?

ofblack&white
10:36 PM

I am going to be screwed up down left right and centre, for tomorrow there is a DRQ test and a History quiz darkening my doorsteps.

Screw studies for the moment.

My calf felt like dropping any second. Don't start on my eyes. They are always swimming around. My eyes just... sigh. It's hard to keep them open. With all the trainings going on. My gosh. There's training still tomorrow. Imagine that battering I have to face again. Not that I mind actually.

There's an issue I need to address. I just wanted some to know that, my actions often belie what i feel. I may seemed carefree, but I actually care a whole damn lot. I may be unbothered by whatever some people are up to, but then again I get away to lessen that knife that stabs deep down. Oh well.

I cannot find rabbits at the Northeast area, so I just have to buy her one from the Marine Parade petshop. Haha. We went ballistic looking at the small small black bunnies. I cried inside. Such cute creatures actually exist!

Ah. Time to start mugging. I want to paint my own Mona Lisa for all to see, to admire, and to praise.

ofblack&white
8:17 PM

It is going to be a helluva week. Crazy week packed with anything you can think of; except for nice charming rest. My bones are weary. And it's getting wearier when I told them about my week.

Two tests on Thursday. History (crazy) quiz and that maddening Economics Data-Response Question. Lol. I have training on Wednesday and Friday and a suicide match with BA, so either I have to
a) slave like no-fucken-body's business the night before;
b) slave like no-fucken-body's business two nights before and have wonderful rest on Wednesday night; or
c) don't study at all.

Of course my mind is screaming for option c but with all that talk about thisyearbeingacrucialyearweshan'tplayaroundandweshouldgetseriousNOWnowastingoftime crap. Aaah. I should take option b then.

We ended training late today and my body felt like a rag doll, with coach flinging me from one end to another. 3 sets of torture (it is really torturous bytheway) and then off to the (waterlogged) field. I am so sleepy right now I could barely keep my eyeballs in view. What more on Wednesday. Thank God dad bought a huge pack of Lays classics. I wouldn't go lonely in my plight to complete homework.

But then again I've given them up. Aaaaahhh. I need sleep badly. I need to get a pair of earphones badly too. It crackled like keropoks. My right ankle is being bitchy, seriously.

Authority is not an honour; Authority is a trust.

ofblack&white
10:51 PM

The match against the lawyers was pretty ok, though I must say I am slightly disappointed with my performance. I should have shot when I could and not hesitate. Charge!

(I am 'hooked' up with soccer since it is, by far, the thing that kept me going)

Anyway the j1s were... phenomenal? Really good talents. Next up for friendly would be with BISHAN ARSENAL (screams). They are like the cream of the crop. Trainings extended 3 times a week. Hopefully an occasional Saturday training. The week after next would be (most probably) up against SAJ. Coach says he doesn't want us to play with peanuts.

The Production by TP was fantabulous, if not more. I just loved the dance. It was so... lovely, graceful yet forceful at some parts. The play (with my brother in) was really hilarious. I didn't know that side of him. The best would still be dikir barat of course. It was sooo cool so... I don't know. Hypnotic. Really loud and powerful.

Two. Dua. Er. Ni. Dos. Deux. My favourite number. With a meaning.

Eighteen more days.

ofblack&white
6:31 PM